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stop everything, kill hannah
'cause she knows it's just a game
and there must be a hole in my head
stop the world, kill hannah

So, I just got home from Lori's. x3 I spent my day off with Emily and spent 80$ on shoes and an outfit. @_@; She brings out the girl in me. I got two pairs of pretty dress shoes, one light green with sequins and the other a black slipper style. I'll post pics tomorrow. I also got a sexy dark brown spaghetti strap top and a long white ruffley skirt to match. But of course, I bought the fourth volume of Lament of the Lamb, too. Gotta have my manga. x3 We bought some [lousy xP] Starbucks and I paid for our movie tickets to "The Interpreter" with Nicole Kidman and some attractive old guy. It's not really my style of movie but I enjoyed it. It was a good story and Nicole Kidman is really pretty. She just looks like she never gets any sleep. xP

Around 8pm, we got to Lori's. We did the poetry thing and they all liked my two poems. They liked the shorter second one better. Me too. I had fun sitting around talking with everyone. Emily got us a six pack of Smirrnof Green Apple, so the three girls (Sarah didn't make it this time) split it while the guys drank Miller Light or something. I got a good buzz off of one beer since I didn't eat much dinner. xD Lori fed me some yummy spaghetti when I got there 'tho.

Eventually, we broke out the Ouija board. Lori, Rol, Emily, and I played first and for a while it didn't seem to be communicating anything but jumble. So we kept starting over but kept getting the same ghost. Finally, it was able to make some sense and we found out that it apparently was a friend of theirs that had died 7 months ago by suicide after seeing his son murdered. They haven't had contact with this friend in a long time, so it's possible that it's true. The ghost mentioned things that only Lori and/or Loyd could have known about the guy, who's name was Zay. He said he was sad and kept spelling out Loyd's name. Finally, we convinced Loyd to come to the board. Loyd asked the ghost what he wanted to say to him and it slowly went to 'good bye'. =( It was teh sad even if it wasn't real... Who knows?

The others (Stephen, Mike, and some other guy who's name I forget) went home sometime during/after that so Rol, Lori, Loyd, Emily, and I sat around talking about ghosts and dreams and things for another hour or so. We kept getting silent points tho cause everyone was getting too sleepy. It was a fun night tho and it ended on my not being too creeped out to drive home alone. xD

I didn't get my tattoo today, but maybe I will next Wednesday, when Emily and I both have off again. We made plans to go to Club Liquid this Satuday night when I get off work. It should be fun. I hope when Luna comes down, the three of us can go out to a club, too. =3

Tuesday, May 3, 2005 @ 05:35 p.m.

I wish I wasn't flesh and blood
I would not be scared
Of bullets built with me in mind
For then I could be saved

I got to campus thirty minutes early. >_<; I was bored and falling asleep at home anyway. So, the open mic night thing went really well. I didn't get as much attention for my story as I would have liked although a few people did ask questions. I was so nervous to go up there that my chest got all red and splotchy. ^^; I really do have a phobia, I think. But I still read clearly and a lot of people came up and told me that they really liked it. =3 I was also inspired to write a poem which I haven't done since maybe 10th or 11th grade and those poems weren't anything to brag about. I don't know if the one I wrote is considered a good poem, but it's still a pretty jumble of words to me. x3

Tomorrow night I'm going over to Lori's again to hang out with her bunch. We're going to read poetry and probably just sit around and talk. Sarah and Stephen should be there again and maybe a new person that we met last night. Lori, Sarah, and I are the only girls but I think I'm more comfortable hanging around guys than girls. Guys aren't as judgemental or superficial. Usually. I'm mostly just rambling because I'm bored and trying to pass the time before class starts.

I got home around 9 last night, I think, and Tiff was supposed to have cooked dinner but of course he was playing FFXI. >_<; So I took a Tylenol PM and went to sleep. I woke up again at 2am and that's when the ideas for that poem started forming in my head. It didn't take me long to write it out before going back to sleep. I woke up so exhausted today. I don't know if it was the meds or me just being fricken tired. I felt like a zombie all day and I still do. I just wanna go to sleep. I've been working much more than I'm used to lately and I haven't had a day off in five whole days. >_< Not to mention that I haven't been getting enough sleep. Emily and I plan on hanging out tomorrow, so maybe she'll come to Lori's with me. I may buy some Vodka and Red Bull if I can afford it. x3 I'm sure she'll pitch in, too. And she's 21 now. Whoo~

I think I'm going to try out South campus in the fall. It's just over the Buckman bridge, so it's a drive, but maybe not more than 30 min. The reason I want to try South is 'cause it's the "literature" campus and they have a good Creative Writing class there. I'm really interested to learn good writing techniques so that maybe I can finish this story. I've got a vague ending, but I'm having too much fun fleshing it out to think about how to start heading towards the ending. Stephen's reading my story now and is my 'editor'. x3 He's in a Creative Writing class now so he can give me some pointers. Lori did that for my Kei story way back when but I think it was mostly typos and grammatical things that she fixed.

Anyway, I wish Tiff wouldn't spend every free minute playing FFXI and he knows it. -_-; It's putting a wedge between us and it makes me loath that game. When he's doing that, I can't talk to him or really spend any time with him. And he never wants to quit the game for any reason. He stays up way too late playing it and I usually have to stay up, too because of the sound and the lights. I like to play video games too, just not all the time. The problem of us never doing anything together is making itself known again.

Tuesday, January 1, 2002 @ 07:16 p.m.

what's the worst thing that can happen?
you've got to take the chance.

omg. T_T i'm so stressed out today and it's only 8am. i've gotta work at 9 til 4, come home and study for my spanish exam for less than an hour, and immediately after taking my exam, go to the cafeteria and read a piece of my stroy in front of a bunch of people staring at me. when do i get to eat??? >_<;;

i'll just be glad when today is over. at least i get a night off from subway after closing three nights in a row. these closing nights are making me so nocturnal, it sucks. i've been staying up til 2, 3, and 4am playing fable while tiff plays ffxi. and then i sleep til 11 or 12 the next morning. i didn't even go to church. it's such a bad habit to get into. =(

emily stopped by subway last night and wants to hang out on wed. i actually have off that day, so i want to go tattoo-price-hunting for that kill hannah tattoo i've been wanting. i'll get a smallish one somewhere on my abdomen. =p then when it heals, maybe i can go to the beach. a trip to the beach would be really nice...

i created a new chara the other day based on my hairstyle goal, except with dark red hair. i drew her out and then relized she had arliss's hairstyle. xD;; i'll either alter it or keep it the same. i think she's gonna be a werewolf and most likely will be one of sofia's friends, so not a major character [but you never know 8D]. she just spawned in my brain.

hm, well, gotta find some breakfast since we have no more frosted flakes. =/ i wish my life was simpler.

Sunday, April 24, 2005 @ 12:50 a.m.

Find out who you are before you regret it
'cause life can be so short
There's no time to waste it.

So, I went to an art club meeting today. =3 It's a club for writers mostly, but also for people who draw, act, or whatever. My friend from Science class, Stephen, is in it and Sarah (Sharon from Subway), too. There was only about... seven people at the meeting because the club is brand new. We're putting together an open mic night [on May 2nd] where people can come read their poetry, short story, show off an art peice, or act and just interact with the audience. Stephen is the club's president, so he made the rule that everyone has to speak. ;_; Well, everyone knows how painfully shy I am when it comes to strangers. xD;; I started to tense up at the meeting and feel really uncomfortable. I just did not want to talk in from of people. Not on a stage, not in front of a big group, and definately not about my art or my writing. My art is so personal to me that I feel if it is rejected, then I am rejected. =/ Well, anyway, I did some thinking about how I don't want to disappoint these new friends. I want to be involved and it makes me feel good to be in a group like this. While I was taking a shower [lol. xD;] I remembered a short writing that I did in my Senior year. I was in an Intro to Acting class and the teacher told us at the beginning of class one day to write an auto-biography about a fictional person. We could write anything we wanted and we just had the class period to do it, so everything I wrote was from the top of my head and had no edits or revisions to it. I chose to write about Hisashi, one of my vampire characters, and it came out of my head pretty easily. It was a front and back of notebook paper, so I think I may read that for open mic night. I'll have to type it up so you guys can read it, cause I don't think I ever did. =3 I wouldn't want to read anything I've written recently because it's still too fresh and I would feel too exposed if I read it. Since this was written three years ago, I think I am detached enough from it now to read it on stage. I really need to get over my fear of speaking in front of people. Being shy is not fun and it will be healthy for me to make some new friends. ^^; Anyway, I will be sure and blog about how it goes.

In other news, only two weeks of school left and then it will be summer. I am really happy because I am so burned out on school right now. =P I really need a break. As for my crazy job situation, I ended up working at Subway on nights and cashiering at Target during the day. Tomorrow I have off from Subway, but I have to get up early and go to Sunday school and church and then work at Target from 3-9. So, it's not really a day off at all. ^^; I know all of this working will pay off 'tho. I lost all of my savings when I wrecked my car, so I need to work hard and build them up again.

Also, I have Chapter 4 up of my werewolf story. =3 It's much longer than the others and I had to work really hard on it, so I hope you enjoy it. I'm working on an art of Reina and the Twins right now, so maybe I will get some free time tomorrow to finish it.

Friday, April 15, 2005 @ 12:43 p.m.

Man... I don't know what the heck is going on. -_-;; So, I quit my Target/Starbucks job (but kept my Target/Cashiering job) to work at the Mall Starbucks. I got there for training yesterday and the guy says that he can only give me about 15 hours instead of the 25 he promised me. But that he can send me to the Starbucks on Roosevelt and see if I can get hours there. So, I went there today at noon to talk to the guy and he tells me that he can give me maybe 20 hours but that he really needs me to work nights. Well, I can't work nights because right now I'm in school and when I get out of school, I plan on keeping the Target job. I went by Subway today and Steph gave me a free sandwich ;_; and I was talking to her about my stupid job situation. I told her I never should have left Subway and she said "You can always come back. We need someone to work nights." I told her that Tiff needed a night job so he can take day classes, but I don't know if he'd want to work there. So, before I left, I let her know that if Tiff wouldn't take the job, then I would. Right now I make in two weeks almost what I made in one week at Subway. I'm seriously considering telling these Starbucks geeks (who keep reminding me that I have to be outgoing) to just shove it, I'm going back to Subway. Why can't they give me some frickin hours? I don't want to attempt to hold three jobs just to pay my bills. I don't want to be driving back and forth from the Mall SB to the Roosevelt SB just to get a lousy 25 hours that I could have gotten under Robbin at Target. -_-uu I've just really got a headache now. These SB guys really need to get things organized. Ever since I left Subway for Target, I've been broke. Struggling to pay rent, bills, and now I've got insurance to pay, too. I'm really hoping that Tiff doesn't want the Subway job so that I can work there... At least it was a stable job and with plenty of hours. ::headache:: =( But if I work nights at Subway, then I can go back to taking day classes which is what I really want to do.

I got really sad yesterday 'cause of all of these letdowns. Things have just gotten steadily worse for me lately, it seems. But it's not that God is letting me down, he's just sending me in a different direction. I did a little praying last night and today I found out that Subway needs someone. =) So I know that although it's tough right now and I'm having to go through a lot of annoying crap, that God is looking out for me and he'll take care of me. I just gotta stop stressing and let him take care of it. Then I won't have to worry. But it sure is hard not to...